Let’s talk about something many of us are guilty of – perfectionism. We all want the perfect job, the perfect home, and yes, the perfect relationship. But here’s the kicker: that quest for perfection will silently sabotage the connections that matter most to you. As a therapist and Christian, that’s the last thing I want for you.
So, grab a cup of coffee, get comfy, and let’s dive into how perfectionism is sneakily messing with our relationships.
- Setting the Bar Too High:
Okay, so you’ve got this mental checklist of what the perfect partner should be. Spoiler alert: it’s probably unrealistic. When we expect our significant others to be flawless and meet every need effortlessly, we’re setting ourselves up for a world of disappointment. It’s like aiming for a rom-com relationship in a reality TV world – not gonna happen.
Expecting perfection out of our partners also introduces the trap of our partners becoming an idol. We either look to them to be our end all be all or we spend all our time trying to MAKE them into something we think they should be. My advice – ask God to help you see them through his eyes and then pay attention to their strengths. When you want to criticize, look for a way to compliment – this changes your mindset as much as it deepens the intimacy in your relationship.
- Fear of Baring It All:
Perfectionists, raise your hands – and then promptly put them down, because showing vulnerability is a no-no, right? Wrong. Relationships thrive on real talk and genuinely sharing emotions. If you’re too busy playing the perfection game, chances are you’re missing out on the good stuff – those heart-to-heart conversations and messy, beautiful moments that foster real intimacy.
- The Criticism Rollercoaster:
Perfectionists are like Olympic judges, constantly scoring every move. In relationships, this means a never-ending cycle of critiques and judgments. Your partner is not an audition – they’re your teammate. Constantly nitpicking will ruin even the best relationship.
- Running from Conflicts:
Who loves conflict? No one, right? But guess what – it’s a part of life and relationships. Perfectionists, however, see conflicts as the enemy, and they’d rather dodge them than face the music.
- Forgetting to Enjoy the Ride:
If you idolize perfection you are probably living in the future – always chasing that perfect moment down the road. But what about now? Your journey, including the quirks and messy bits, are all part of the package. If you’re too fixated on a flawless future, you’re missing out on the imperfectly perfect present. (And the people you love).
In a nutshell, perfectionism will harm your relationships. Embracing the messy, communicating openly, and appreciating imperfections – that’s what will lead to lifelong, life-giving connection and commitment. Ditch the perfectionism and pursue genuine connections, because life’s too short for anything less.
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Disclaimer: While Britt is a licensed therapist, this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.